Check In With Yourself Before You Burn Out Part 2

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

life, people, mary, mind, shift, rat race, wellness, create, steps, conversation, called, connection, living, excited, long, polanco, question, notice, happening, love

00:00

Hi, everybody, and welcome back to rat race reboot. I am so excited. We have been having a great conversation. Mary Polanco and I, about her journey and her transition from being in the Air Force to her beautiful life. Now she had a beautiful life before, but she got out of the grind out of the rat race and some of the things that she has done, have created a massive impact in her well being her family life, her career and just her a whole 180 In terms of her life. I'm excited to continue this conversation. Definitely, you'll want to tune in and if you didn't watch or listen to the first episode, part one, go back and listen to it and then come back to this because we're gonna wrap this up, tie a little bow on it, and get to the details of what Mary did to create this amazing transition in her life and 180 and how you can do it too.

00:54

The following was recorded in front of a live studio audience at the studio 21 podcast cafe. This is the United Podcast Network.

01:03

Welcome to rat race reboot. I'm your host, Laura Noel. And as a certified coach and former 27 year military leader. Each week, I provide bite sized mindset pivots that will help you reset your mind reawaken your spirit and regain your control. Good afternoon. Good morning, wherever you are in the world, we are just continuing this amazing conversation that wellness coach Mary Polanco and I have been having, and it's really about a very similar story to what I've shared with the all of you listeners is just being in that rat race. And it's not even necessarily something that's imposed on us from our other careers or our military lives. But it's something that what I find generally people who are Type A achievers that are just really driven, we kind of impose this trap on ourselves. And it's, you know, you can't you don't know you're you can't get out of a prison unless you know, you're in one. It's kind of like a mental prison of our own making. And Mary was sharing her experience of what her life was, like, kind of being in that that mindset of always achieving something, what's next? What's next? What's next. And goal achieving, obviously, is a healthy thing. But when it becomes the essence of who we are, and we're always going after this next thing, wondering, oh my gosh, what am I going to be really fulfilled and happy, that's when it can be problematic. And Mary was very vulnerable and sharing her story in our previous episode. What was life before she started working on her mindset and really shifting things and turning things around? And last episode, she talked about what was the joy what was life like in general, her realizing and standing in her true purpose and what that was like? So we're going to talk a little bit more deeply about that, how that impacted her family, her career in the present. And then some steps that she actually took in her process of she talked about being quiet or being in the quiet, what was that like for her? And how did that help so that you can follow some of these steps and implement them right away and start living your purpose and standing in your highest potential. So Mary, I know that was a long intro, but welcome back to the show. Thank you so much. So we recapped everything and we left off in our last conversation about you know, just being enthused about every day waking up about to do what you're going to do for the day and waking up before your alarm clock even goes off. Like how many of us do that. That's so unusual. So tell me what are you enthused about? What excites you everyday What are you working towards?

04:04

Well, I have to say that the morning I call it MMT morning me time i know i acronym everything got acronym everything so the morning me time is something I go to bed excited about. Because I know that I Yes, I am type A by nature, although I fought a lot of those instincts recently so that I can have better balance. But I love knowing that the first two and a half hours of my day is completely just devoted to myself. And so when I wake up in the morning, that that is what what gets me out of bed. What gets me excited. I know I'm going to read for 20 minutes that's going to fill me with new thought patterns. That's going to give me something else to pass on to the world. I know that I'm going to do some sort of body movement working out going for all Walk, I know that I'm going to enjoy my coffee. All of those things are really what gets me excited because what it's doing is it's setting the intention for my day. It's setting the intention for my short term goals and my long term goals. And it's just allowing me to start the day with fresh breath. So that's really what I get excited about in the morning.

05:20

Yeah.

05:22

Yeah. But But yeah, the the process for me, I think one of the things that I did want to share with you and with everyone is, the daunting question that I even had to ask myself, which was very difficult and uncomfortable was what do you want? That's it. That's a very simple, simple phrase. But it is a very loaded question sometimes. And when I've asked people over the course of the last two years in my conversation, having this with them, because they're searching for something, and I say, What do you want? That is hard? And not a lot of people can just shout it out. And I think starting there, and really figuring out what is it that you love to do? What are you called to do? I did a an entire series on my channel about the 10 questions to ask yourself with regard to how to get started, because that question in and of itself can't be answered sometimes. Until you do the work underneath. So So yeah, that's the that's the first thing I would say that got me sort of shifted to that start to shift that one ad.

06:31

Oh, that's, that's so important. Because that quiet time that that meantime, I love that you have acronyms to everything. And I love that you're excited to do that. Because was that this is, you know, one thing I wanted to ask you, because I talked to a lot of people. And that, even before you can get to the question of what do I want, you have to take a stand for yourself, and create the space for that meantime. So how did you navigate that, because that is not when you're used to performing and serving others. It's not an easy thing to take two and a half hours for yourself. But you know, the importance of that now how to do navigate that

07:17

everything is so connected in, in me feeling insecure about saying no to the next position, which allowed me to, you know, make sure that I did that it gave me confidence. It said, Wait a minute, you can make decisions for yourself, then I got to see the ramifications, the positive, the positive consequence, if you will, of that happening. And then it was no, this is my truth. Me first, because I love you. Me first. And I will figure it like that is for me to really develop as a human so that I can give to you, you know, I? How did I do it? That is exactly how I worked step by step on the inner me to be able to find the voice that I had hidden away for so long to say, this is the right thing for me. And now it's a non negotiable. I've also made a very strong commitment to never break a promise to myself again, I would never and this is this is how I made this connection for myself. If I'm your best friend, you're from my husband's wife, my kids mom, I would make sure I went to the ends of the earth to be reliable, to show up for them to give them what they needed. Right. But yet, I didn't do that for me. So that is in a lot of ways. I saw myself as a fraud. And that's how I was able to make the connection of know if you're gonna do that for someone else. You better do it for you. Because Loving yourself is the foundation of all of it.

09:03

Absolutely. That's how I did it. Yeah, I you know, I love I took a couple notes here me first because I love you. So talk about a reframe, and a paradigm shift there that I feel like people can really get behind me first, because I love you. So it's not about being selfish. It's being selfless. It's really you can serve and love on people in a greater way when you're taking care of yourself. And something that came to mind when you said I would never I wouldn't break a promise to somebody else that I love a family member or as a mom or a wife. So why would I break that promise to myself and here's another mind bender. If we are expecting other people to take care of ourselves and again, we're we're putting that on somebody else when really we have to take responsibility for caring for ourselves. It's not that we don't say toward each other. But that's a part of me first, because I love you.

10:05

Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, it comes into play in leadership positions as well. You know, I, towards the end of my career, I really started to shift how I viewed those that I was charged with leading if they came to me, and I was putting too much on them. And their response was gotta chief, let's keep rolling. I know, that's not what I'm looking for. Now. Now, I'm looking for you to say, Hang on a second, we need to stop. We're doing too much. That's the person you're leading self, you're leading others, you're making sure people are taking care of in the right way. That's, that is really how I started to see the gap in a lot of things happening in the world is we're just always so quick to give, give, give, and not. And then and like I said before that badge of honor. Yeah, we that we were, it's like, that is hurting you?

11:00

Yes. Yeah. I remember working with somebody, and they're they had a parent who was ill. And they wanted to go see them. And I'm like, go and go. They just wouldn't. And it's like, I can't force it. But it's it's so ingrained in the individual and in the the culture of an organization. But yeah, that's that's hard. Getting helping other people see that, no, this is not a trick, I'm not tricking you. Like, I want you to go take care of your family. Because we got this we can, we can take we have your back. That's how we take care of one another. Because if you have a moment in your life, where and you know, you're taking care of and you're being with your family, there's somebody else who's going to feel confident in knowing, hey, we have your back to and it's just, it just leads to a more well rounded, fulfilling life, whether you are an entrepreneur or you're in an organization, you can create that and cultivate that in your team.

12:03

Yes, yes. And yes. And the the amount, if you want to always bring it back to the business model, bottom line, your result is going to be astronomically better when you when people are really invested in themselves first, and then in each other, because they have the energy and the time and space to do it. It looks like something you probably haven't seen much of. Yeah, you know, and I noticed that in my kids. And, and it's something something I wanted to share that was just a pivotal moment for me, that changed so much about and kept me on the path that I'm on. But I real quick story I brought the kids this was I was working on myself going through my transformation, I'm starting to feel really good. And I was realizing the power of being present. And I took the kids to bike ride just down the road. And we have these rolling hills. And they were taking the bikes and they're having the greatest time. And I'm sitting on the hill, no phone, no nothing just watching them. And my daughter who's 12 came up to me and said, Mommy, do you want to ride the bikes with us? I was like, no, no, you have fun. I'm enjoying watching you. And she said, No, no, you're bored. You're bored. I want you to come with us. I said it No, really, I'm fine deck, I'm really enjoying this. And she was about to walk away. And she turned around and she looked at me. She said, Mommy, do you have cancer? And I just couldn't. Like I called her over. And I said, Okay, let's talk about that. Like, why? Why do you think that? And she said, because you're still at peace. Wow. And it was just for me, it was the mirror, I needed to say you're doing this right, keep going. But then the heartbreak for all the people out there that are just in it, and lost and tired. And that we don't don't wait for something like that to happen to change your life. You know, it just was everything to me to say what kind of stress mess was I before? That I couldn't even enjoy the moment with my daughter without her thinking that. But it was also, you know, the compass for me to say keep going,

14:24

man that I mean, that's good on you for taking that moment and using that as a connection point and just an indication that you're on the right path and to keep going. Because Wow, what I mean, what a gift of presence you're giving to your whole family and I know that that's that's one isolated thing but you're that level of presence in everyday life with your family and the impact that must be having.

14:55

Oh, completely. I mean, I'm I think my kids eat and maybe maybe I'm self labeling, but I thought I said I was fun. Yeah. I became fun again, and they don't, this is the thing, you know, kids are so resilient. And they don't remember, you know, my age, as you know, eight. He doesn't remember my worst of it, you know, it was just I would go, I'd go to work and come home and he was just that was his life. But now he notices when we're dancing in the kitchen, he noticed is the fun the memories were building. And I want one thing I really feel compelled to stress is, I am not living this life right now. Because my military service ended. I made my military service and so that I can live this life, I made that choice, I could have continued, and everyone out there, it's so important for all of us to understand and believe that we have a choice no matter what our circumstance.

15:58

Yes, yeah, it's 100%. Absolutely, we always have a choice. And even if, you know, I did the same thing I left a few years earlier than I was originally planning. And because I started this journey, you can start this journey now. And it doesn't mean like, Don't worry, folks, if you're in, if you're in a job that you like, I remember talking to a group of people in there, like, every time you bring on one of one of the people in our crew, they leave their job, let's get doesn't mean that you can create that peace and that joy and that presence, wherever you are, it just so happened that, you know, in our circumstances, we aligned with, you know, a similar a different purpose that took us in a different direction. But it doesn't have to be that way. But it starts with you creating that space for yourself, figuring out what it is you want. And and then boldly taking steps, setting boundaries so that you can create that space for yourself and take those steps. I'm curious, are there any other things that you would recommend for people that helped you along this way to get that balance and that quiet and, and that presence and that beautiful joy in your life?

17:17

Yes, I would say, understanding and really valuing all the pillars, as we call them of wellness, you know, and the reason I bring that up is because the spiritual pillar for me was always an anomaly. I didn't know what that meant, until I started to really dive into that. And that's what allowed me to start to work from the inside out. And really acknowledging that those things are important, healthy social connections are important. And if there's an opportunity for because you're changing, because you're noticing that you're now making these priorities for yourself, and you're making the shift, even, it's most likely going to be baby steps at a time. When you start to notice that there's certain disconnections happening in your life, because of your changes. Go with it. And what I mean by that is toxic relationships. Like it's okay to let them go, I think you have to acknowledge that that's part of your transformation as well. And I really couldn't be happier with the people circle of people I have in my life right now. Every single one of them wants to see me succeed. They want me to live the best life and be the best version of myself. And they not only step out of the way, and let me do it, they join me and say, how do we do it together? That's the tribe you want to be involved with. So I would say just really be present in your process, and acknowledge and feel and evaluate everything that's happening to you.

18:55

I love that and I'm so happy, you are just radiating joy. I know that you work with clients. So tell us a little bit about what you do, how you help your clients, and how people can get in touch with you.

19:10

Yeah, so I, a large portion of my clientele we have were provided for us very simply are the physical and nutritional aspects of wellness. But the gap I like to fill is the spiritual and mental and social. And so I we talk about we talk about vision, we go through vision, we do plant goal planning, I really want people to hear from another of the possibilities so that they could start to manifest that belief in them in themselves. And so we our conversations are largely in part about those things. And we have group workouts and we talk we have I'm doing a cooking class coming up. So you know just ways that we can nourish our bodies. nourishing your body is all the ways it's all the ways are I like it. It's great healthy food. It's wonderful body movement, it's wonderful connections, whether it be virtual or not. And it's sitting with yourself. Like all of that is nourishment. So that's what we talk about mostly. And yeah, I have a couple places, I'd love to connect with all of you, Youtube, I have a YouTube channel called live well. And that's exactly what we talk about on the channel is all the aspects of wellness. And I also have Instagram and Facebook pages in the same room.

20:39

Oh, thank you for sharing that. And I encourage everyone to get in touch with Mary, again, a phenomenal resource for you a wonderful coach, mentor, and leader. And definitely all of her places where you can find her on socials on YouTube. All those links will be in the show notes. So, I would like to wrap today up like we always do at the end of every one of our episodes, is getting in touch with inspired action, getting in touch with the vision we want to align with in our lives. So wherever you are, as long as you're not driving, I always say that. Take a deep breath in through your nose. And exhale. Take another inhale and exhale releasing any signs of tension, take another deep inhale hold it and exhale with a sigh I want you to bring to mind your worthy ideal something that you want to be do or have in your life right now.

22:15

And imagine you're living this best life and you're stepping into it right now. Bring to your mind's eye how you're serving? How are you living? Who are you with? And most importantly, how does it feel to be you right now

22:58

imagine you are living your goal. It's already done. And try to take in that image in your mind's eye through all of your five senses. Sharpen the picture picture a little bit. Maybe notice the temperature of the air on your skin be looked down just see what you're wearing the sights and sounds around you and get into the emotion and the feeling of being you in this moment

24:00

and simply just pose a question how can I serve How can I serve today in alignment with that vision be open to receiving any ideas or inspiration that comes to mind.

24:31

Write it down and be prepared to take that inspired action Welcome back. And again. Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of rat race reboot. Thank you so much, Mary, for joining us. I know our listeners have gotten so much value from you. And I again I highly encourage you to get in contact with Mary She has so much to share. And she's an incredible human being and leader. Thank you. And, as always remember, everything is created twice, first in your mind in your imagination, and then in physical form. We'll see you next week.

25:18

The views and opinions expressed by the hosts guests or callers of this program do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the studio 21 podcast cafe, the United Podcast Network its partners or affiliates.